At 27.5 hours, the trip from Newcastle to Bergen gives you time to knit a 20-foot scarf with matching mittens.
Fortunately , DFDS’s Queen of Scandinavia provides ample distraction in the form of live bands, sauna sessions, treasure hunts and, if you’re really at a loose end, bingo.
With space for 1,638 passengers, punters range from Norwegian party girls — drinks on the boat, drinks in Newcastle, drinks on the boat — to sinewy British army cadets itching to crawl about on icy tundra.
Despite the steady flow of booze, the mood is mellow enough for young families and middle-aged cruisaholics.
But it’s after landfall that the epic nature of this trip really becomes apparent.
Chapters by Jonathan Lee: Polar Circle; Brittany; Stavanger
Publisher: Time Out, Ebury
Editor: Chris Moss